New Year, New Me

Every year on January first people all around the world set New Years resolutions. Many people set measurable goals such as lose X amount of pounds or go to the gym X times a week. I normally fall under this category as well, however this year I took a different approach to my resolutions. This year I plan to be gentler on myself.

I often beat myself up about not doing something perfectly, not knowing where I will intern, what exactly I want to do with my life, not continuing things I used to love, not having control over everything in my life or not being as healthy as I wish I was.

What I’ve realized is that I may not have it all together, but I am doing my best. I’m only human and I can’t possibly have it all figured out. I may not know what I want to do with my life or where I want to go after graduation, but I’ll figure it out as opportunities present themselves and I continue to grow both in what I’m learning and personally.

The past two weeks I’ve been working on this resolution by taking time for myself outside of my school commitments. I’ve been playing piano a lot, something I’ve always loved but have felt I needed to put aside to work on things for my future career. But the thing is, in order to live a full life you need to make time for what you love to do, things that you aren’t evaluated or graded on- things that just make you happy. I’ve also been going to the gym more and also working on not allowing events outside of my control to bother me as much as they used to.

My resolutions may not be able to be measured in a spreadsheet or visible to the world, but I will know if I’m making progress. And ya know what? If it isn’t a fast process or I lose my way sometimes… it will be ok because I’m doing the best I can and that’s all I can ask from myself.

Home for the Holidays

Holiday season is among us which means lots of food, time with family and friends, relaxation and the warm and fuzzy feelings that come along with winter holidays. One thing that I love about coming home from school for Thanksgiving and Christmas is getting to see old friends. Living seven hours away from home and high school friends can be really hard and it is easy to let the distance in miles create a distance in our relationships but I’ve discovered that with some work it’s possible to actually become closer despite the distance.

My freshman year of college I barely spoke with people from high school. We were all wrapped up in our new lives at school with new friends, no parents around, and basically living on our own. On birthdays we’d exchange brief phone calls and occasionally we’d text or Facebook each other, but these small exchanges were rare. When we came home for breaks nobody took the initiative to get together and if we did see each other, it felt sort of awkward because it was like we were in different worlds didn’t know how to connect other than talk about things that happened in high school.

Sophomore year things changed. I have a lot of friends at school that are still extremely close with people from high school and when I thought about old times or looked at pictures it would make me so sad that we had drifted apart. I knew that I didn’t want to lose these people but if something didn’t change, it looked like we were headed down that path. I started messaging friends more and made sure that we all saw each other over breaks. Conversations got easier and we all started figuring out ways to connect without having to rehash high school.

Now in my junior year I have visited a friend at school in Chicago, two have visited me in Indiana, and we all see each other every time we are home. I talk to at least one of them almost every single day and the snap chats are constant. Believe me, it took a lot of work to get back to this point and still requires work to keep it going. It’s not easy to coordinate a get together with 6 or 7 college students home for Thanksgiving Break. Everyone has family stuff going on and different time requirements, but I’ve taken it upon myself to text…and retext… and retext the plans to everyone until we find something that works for everyone. Despite the work and sometimes frustration from coordinating, it is most definitely worth it. Last Friday as we all smashed onto one couch, took goofy pictures, played simon says and laughed till we cried, all I could do was look at these people who mean so much to me and be thankful that although hundreds of miles separate us, we’ve grown closer together.